Dark punch

Following on from my last post, I would like to confirm that I am still thinking about the matter at hand. Being slandered and misrepresented does not sit well with me and every passing minute spent analysing the situation stokes my simmering lioness rage. What a nice Easter surprise.

S became progressively angrier as I told him what had happened re what J has said about J's boss banning him from commissioning me promised work without any suitable explanation (from anyone) along the way, and was even angrier when I stumbled out of bed (after taking sleeping pills!) on Thursday night, unable to sleep, weeping with frustration. It was nearly effing three o-clock, after all.

So, yes, I have lost sleep over this. Great. Just what I need! When I got out of bed, S was watching the end of Natural Born Killers and had had some beer. It was great hearing him so angry and appalled on my behalf. Lovely S. He works in the same profession and cannot understand how someone can think that "she'll know why she hasn't been asked to work for us again; she won't be surprised" is acceptable in any situation. His language was excellently blue as he vocalised how I felt.

Speaking to my dear friend R (who also works in the meeja) helped, too. She says there are far too many people out for themselves. She also used the c word aplenty when she heard what had happened.

I should note that the organisation in question is not, in any shape or form, journalistic. If only. They are civil servants through and through, strangled by bureaucracy, bitchiness and a blame culture. No excuse, though. I've built up a good professional reputation and will protect it however I have to. Jugular veins are an angry Leo's speciality target. Funny, two people have asked me whether I am a Scorpio in recent weeks, whatever that means. Maybe having a combination of both characteristics will be rather interesting. Whatever, one thing I have learned in recent years is that I am most effective when calm, collected and totally focused. Sounds a bit like what's needed to excel at kung fu.

So, why I am so angry? Who wouldn't be? I was very ill at times with a cold that put most of London to bed but took calls and did the bloody work (and did it well – I am a perfectionist). I worked weekends, put up with ever-changing deadlines and changing 'project managers', and never received feedback to indicate that there were any problems. Also, no one bothered to tell me who was managing the project at times.

M, the new chap, who actually seems nice, didn't return calls when he said he would (his meetings overran), didn't/ couldn't provide adequate answers and criticised his colleagues for failing to answer the questions I raised (in the interests of sorting the thing out!), empathising with me into the bargain. "I tried but again, they're not there." I sympathised with him because he sounded so frustrated at seemingly getting nowhere, even though it meant I, myself, was put out. I did have other work to do, too.

And then the organisation (or one particular person, who shall temporarily remain nameless) would dare to try to pin me down for the rest of the week in terms of my availability! What? Do they think I sit on my arse waiting for them to come off their (endless) leave? Fucking pricks. I do apologise to anyone offended by the swearing in this post but sometimes old Anglo-Saxon words are most appropriate). ARRGHHHHH! The 'people who must be consulted' were seldom there to answer questions and when they did, the answers were vague. But yet, I persisted and did a very good job.

Sir Alan Sugar would have polished up his AK47, lined the bastards up, and smiled that crocodile smile as he fired. I like no-nonsense people like him in business: firm, fair and fierce.

Yes, yes, I realise that I don't have to work at this place again (ha ha), and can leave all of those people behind. But that should be my choice, not the result of being misrepresented by people I worked with and regarded as professionals.