Akimbo

That's how I feel. In some ways, I am all over the place. Well, to be specific, I had a kung fu session today and was not on the ball. But it is early days and I know for a fact that losing sleep these past days (or has it gone into weeks now?) when I am meant to be catching up, plus the stress of worrying about the work situation, has depleted me of energy and an element of focus, which would not be the problem had my dear friends at the Blacklisting organisation decided to play fair.

However, in some ways, I am doing well: despite this mess of work rubbish (which, as you can tell if you are a regular reader, has taken over somewhat), I wrote a "very good" article for a magazine run by a hard taskmaster, was complimented on my work for a national newspaper (if you do something wrong, you are told about it then and there; there is no taking one aside, which means you learn very, very quickly). Oh, and I am going to kick ass, in so many ways. I go to the lessons – kung fu, I mean – when I'm tired, not very good and feeling extremely unsure of myself. The latter point again due partly to what happened a week ago. S, who I am a worry to, says I am "being very down" on myself and he is correct. But that won't last.

Aside from that, I met a friend for lunch today as I was working based in the newspaper office, which was good. I have arranged for a dear friend to come and stay with S and moi tomorrow night (R, our best woman at our wedding), I saw my lovely, sweet parents yesterday for lunch (at my place), and I've been receiving some fabulous support from S and wonderful friends based in and out of England, who are genuinely interested and concerned at the stupid work thing that happened. I'm a lucky person and I do know it. However, at times I feel very, very low; my confidence took a battering over Easter. I hate having situations unresolved. It makes me feel out of control. Maybe that's why I get so frustrated with myself at kung fu. I need to gain control of certain things. I will.