Where is the 'off' button?

I retched again this morning, and it was worse than before, as this time I was actually sick. The knots in my stomach are the cause. I know this because it happened before, when I worked with Kandi. I would carry on as normal but in the morning, before leaving the house, I'd almost be ill due to sheer nerves.

These were not nerves caused by fear but rather through having to steel myself for a fight, day after day. (I told a couple of people at work that I was unwell today and they did that "are you?!" thing of wonder/ excitement. No, dears, I am currently a stress-bunny. Not a mummy.) I emailed my sleep guru doctor and he confirmed that it sounded like work-related stress.

But I am such a mug. I did the lengthy commute, felt horrendous, did notes for the woman I am covering for so that she can pick up from where I left off when she comes back next week, and had to sort out all the shit that Gordon had produced and left in his wake of stinking ineptitude. I sat at my desk with no break until 4pm. Then I went home 'early'. Ha fucking ha.

I was – and am – incredibly annoyed with Gordon (who literally lives down the road from the office), so much so that I screeched plenty of expletives in the office, not really caring who heard. I was on the verge of tears by the afternoon. At one point, after hearing about yet another cock-up, I leaned my head over the back of my chair and pulled at my hair while saying rude words to the ceiling.

Gordon wasn't there, of course. He had fucked off home to "do other things" at 11am. He didn't give a damn that I was ill. Little does Gordon know that I will be back in that office (on another magazine) in a fortnight. I guess he will have said things about me in the meantime (he does, after all, slag off everyone else, including the publisher, who is a decent chap and would be an almighty foe). Let's hope some of what Gordon says gets back to me. I am not one to shy away from a verbal battle when the cause is worthwhile.

I would love to use some kung fu on Gordon but I will have to put up with punching and kicking pads at next week's class, coupled with the powers of my imagination. I cannot bloody wait.

Here is a picture of Waterloo Bridge, simply because I love the views from it. It bookends many of my days, depending on where I'm working. It signifies hope in the mornings, and, at the moment, relief in the evenings.