I have turned into Alexis Colby. Was that her name? That hard businesswoman in Dynasty? Me, that is. At least for a while.
I blame the t*r*dness but I have a short fuse, a very long to-do list and a light peppering of patience when it comes to Gordon at work. The useless tool, who does eff all, all day, except whinge, had the audacity to come up to me today and ask: "Are you happy?" after yet another disaster occurred with an article we were meant to process today.
Are you happy? I'll give you sodding bloody happy, you insipid, gumptionless, talentless, lazy man.
Gordon not only has no clue as to how to run a magazine but he is getting paid twice as much as me to not run the mag and to leave it all to me. Brilliant. I was so tired yesterday that I fell over on the stairs at work. I mean.
So, now, after nearly two weeks of shit-shovelling, I have finally had enough of this malarkey and have become Very Tough. I speak to Gordon in the manner of Sir Alan Sugar barracking a boardroom failure in The Apprentice. Cut to the chase. Take no crap. Scythe away the waffle.
DO IT, I say. And he does it. Happily.
WHERE IS THIS PAGE? I ask. And he fumbles around and finds it (eventually).
He has no clue unless told or asked. I think he likes to be dominated. Well, at least one of us is getting our rocks off on it.
I have no qualms about behaving in this manner. I just want to get the magazine out and for it to look good. It will have my name on it as deputy editor and, as some of you may know from previous posts, I guard my professional reputation fiercely. I've held editorships before (yadda yadda) but now I'm freelance, and you really are only as good as your last job.
Fierce. Yes, that's it. I feel fierce. Resolute and fierce. Is this a result of the kung fu or tiredness? Or both? I wonder. I did sleep well last night, though. But who wouldn't after two hours of kicking and punching (albeit in a slightly pathetic manner due to feeling wrung out)?
I need to sleep well or I will collapse. They will find me, a well-dressed heap with nice shoes/boots, fairly toned legs and arms cetra (thanks to the Wushu) and baggage under her eyes far bigger than any so-called 'bags for life'.
NMJ has reminded me that I intended to post on the subject of The Apprentice. Well, all I can say is: can Katie possibly be any more smug? She is horrendous! How has she survived? How can this be? She is simply awful, with her 'witty' insults and oh my, that nose to end all noses.
Perhaps she is so used to it obscuring her view that she can only look down on others. If she looked any more horsey, I'd be slapping a fiver on her at Sandown, I tell you. Maybe her nose grows as her smugness deepens, in which case she'll have a trunk in two episodes' time.
I thought Sir Alan was great. As usual. I'm worried that I'm beginning to see him as a sort of business role model. Have to say, Tre performed far better than I thought he would, though that beard stuff is a tad odd. I'm not sure who I want to win, though. As long as it's not Katie, I'll be happy.
Oh dear, Mell D . . .I too dislike Katie intensely, she is ruthless & snobby, and there is little to like, but I must say I find it a little cruel to focus so much on her appearance - if she were beautiful, she would still be as objectionable, and if she were a lovely person we would scarcely notice her looks . . . I think physical appearance should not be confused with virtues/flaws, we look the way we look, it is pure luck, and it is our behaviour that surely determines whether we are likeable or not, not whether we have a big nose! But I still hope she is booted out next week.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as I posted that stuff about K's nose, NMJ, I felt bad. It was a cheap shot, I know.
ReplyDeleteIt is her behaviour that I cannot bear. Her nose, really, isn't that bad. She has succeeded in bringing me down to playground level. For that, I do feel guilty.
May I take back my nose comments? Please don't think any less of me. (Seriously, I'm not a "oooh, she's got a such-and-such" kind of lady...)
x
Sorry if I offended anyone with the Katie nose comments.
ReplyDeleteOh dear.
I feel bad.
Hey Mell D, I felt kind of bad that I had been judgemental of you, it was just my gut reaction that much as we hate Katie we shouldn't judge her by her looks - but you are right, there is something about her that makes us come down to playground level . . . I would want to harm her if I was with her, I'm sure. . . anyway, I have just guffawed and choked with laughter, I saw elsewhere on your blog that Periodic Pony Boy has alleged that I talk like a clanger, that has me weeping with laughter, I tell you. & Btw Pony, you've never asked for my number, you are fibbing, but even if we are getting married I'm not sure if I could risk giving you access to my phone no. I'll think about it. Hope you sleep well tonight, Mell D. x
ReplyDeleteHello lovely NMJ...
ReplyDeleteIt's OK. You only said what I felt. I don't generally judge people the way I did Katie. It's just she wound me up so much. Still, no excuse.
That TPE is hilarious. That post made me laugh and laugh, and by God, that is some achievement for me at the moment. I take my hat off to our Englishman friend. And that Clangers comment was utterly classic. I feel I cannot reply to him unless it is a proper reply, which may mean I have to do so either tomorrow night or on Sunday.
Sleep well, too x
And, can I be a bridesmaid (very cheeky I know but worth asking). I could dress up as a centipede and wear all my shoes.