Biker chick reflection

I sometimes cycle on the path that runs alongside the river. I can cover two miles in about ten minutes, which isn't bad. Yesterday, I had a ride on my slightly rusty bike (the poor bike was unused for about two years after I bought it because I hated the saddle, but it's been serviced, re-saddled and runs well now).

When I've made it from my home to the river, I feel relieved. I enjoy seeing what's going on on the Thames and relish the shade provided by trees some of the way. Also, you only have to worry about other cyclists, joggers and dog walkers instead of car doors and lorries (but there are a few midges and mosquitoes that bite). I reckon I smile as I cycle, as people seem to smile at me and I'm never sure why. I probably trundle along grinning like a loon. I do this sometimes. If something good has happened, I smile (this can be as mundane as bagging a bargain in a sale or as important as having something positive happen to do with loved ones or work). If I am unhappy about something, I kid myself that I have a normal face but it doesn't fool people who know me remotely well.

However, sometimes, I wear a distant air (so I've been told). And when tired I can lose perspective as well as seem preoccupied. That happened frequently when I was bastardly exhausted while I was on the sleep programme and medication. I have fallen out with a friend who failed to understand why I was on planet la la and was acting oddly. I've re-read emails that we exchanged (she was angry, I was frustrated)... we haven't communicated for nine months. One thing she said, in response to my telling her what had been up with me, was 'Why didn't you tell me those things were happening? I'm not a mind reader'. Hmm. Good point. I chatted to S about this and he agreed that I sometimes didn't tell the whole story to people who really should know. Old habits.

So, my friend perhaps did have a point. Maybe I was guilty of being difficult to understand at times. Goodness knows, there have been days, weeks, months, when I had no idea whether I was coming or going. It was horrendous. I've decided to contact her. I'm not looking for reconciliation (though I hope for it) but I think it can only help her to perhaps not feel so bad if I (finally) tell her what was going on, in as much detail as possible, and it may help me to set the record straight, too. I'll give it a go, come what may.